


Psuedo-Problems

by MisterEAnon



Category: Zootopia (2016)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-10
Updated: 2016-09-10
Packaged: 2018-08-14 05:16:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7999969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MisterEAnon/pseuds/MisterEAnon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Written for Thematic Thursday. Theme: Drunk</p><p>Every single date Aafiya has ever had was ruined by what she has between her legs. But when the spotted hyena blows off her double-date to drown her worries at home, knowing that this relationship was going to fail as well, she doesn't expect her date to show up at her door anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Psuedo-Problems

Aafiya was having a wonderful time.

How could she not be? She was having a night in with one of her oldest, most reliable friends, dressed to impress in a dress that Sarah helped her pick out.

It helped her feel normal.

She sunk back against the couch with her empty bottle. It had all started out so well.

Alex was a great guy. He could usually hold his own against her in their HEMA matches, had a crush on her, and wasn't afraid to flirt back when she'd teased him.

He'd been nothing but awesome. And she couldn't stand it.

She knew it was going to go wrong SOMEHOW. It always did. Every single time she got involved with someone romantically (Or even purely sexually), something inevitably went wrong, and the cause was always her OWN FUCKING BODY-

She gave a muted growl, and took a deep breath.

No. Okay.

She was okay.

Alex hadn't actually known she was a girl at first, and had admitted that it had made his attraction to her pretty confusing to him. She'd laughed it off at the time.

But, as the days passed, and he still kept seeing her, sparring with her, playfully hitting on her, she wondered when the other shoe would drop. When he'd say he was only interested in her if she actually was a boy, or pretended to be, or… Something.

She'd grown distant over the past week. Her spars were started half-heartedly, and ended viciously. Every time, she just wanted to be /done/ with him and stepped it up a notch.

Tonight, she was supposed to be going out for drinks- A double date between her and Alex, and Sam and… Some one night stand, she didn't remember.

And instead, she was at home, drinking herself into a stupor because she just didn't understand what was wrong. Why hadn't this relationship gone the way of every other relationship she'd ever had?

She was reaching for her third bottle of wine when there was a knock at the door.

“I'm busy!” she called out, huffing. Yeah, busy feeling sorry for herself--

“No, you're supposed to be busy,” a familiar voice called back. “What I wanna know is why you're not.”

Oh, hell.

“I'm- I am busy! Something came up.”

She froze as he walked into sight, raising an eyebrow at her.

“You left your door unlocked. And… Yeah. I can see that. So, why are you getting wasted in here, instead of getting wasted with us?”

“Us? The others aren't here, are they? Quick--”

He shook his head. “Just me. Sam had her paw in her date's pants when I left, so I don't think they mind.” He reached over, gently plucking the unopened bottle from her paws, setting it down next to the empty ones. “I think we need to talk.”

She grumbled, folding her arms against her chest as she sunk back into the couch. “There's nothing to talk about.”

He looked at her, patiently waiting.

Thirty seconds passed.

“FINE! There's something to talk about,” she admit, narrowing her eyes. “Happy?”

He put a paw on the couch next to her, and she wished that she could hate the way he looked so… So fucking understanding.

“Why are you looking at me like that?” she finally mumbled, glancing away as she rolled over, pushing her muzzle into the back of the couch.

“Because you look like a hot mess, and I know what that feels like,” he replied.

She huffed. “Oh no you don't. You don't… You don't know what it's like,” she muttered darkly.

He sat down on the other side of the couch, gently moving her legs out of the way. “Fill me in?”

She rolled back over again. Her legs ended up in his lap, but she didn't care at the moment. “What's there to GET? Every single time I get involved with someone, it always goes south. It's better if I just get it over with now.”

She kind of wished she hadn't rolled over. Now she had to see the look of concern on his face. He looked like he was choosing his words carefully. “Why… Do you think it's going to go south?”

She threw her arms up exasperatedly. “Because… Because it always does! That's just what it does. What happens. It's not even something I do! It's my fucking DICK. It's not even a real dick, and yet it's all anybody ever fucking cares about when the clothes come off,” she mumbled, scooting upright and leaning into his side.

Wait, no. She was supposed to be keeping her distance. She scooted away again, glancing away with a blush under her fur.

Alex took a moment to reflect on that. “Aafiya--”

“Don't. Just… Don't, okay? She sniffed. Fuck, her throat was starting to hurt. She knew that meant crying would be next.

And she was NOT going to cry in front of him.

“I'm… I'm okay with it. I'm used to it--”

“You're not okay.”

“NO OF COURSE I'M NOT OKAY. But if I can pretend I don't need anybody, I might be able to get out of bed in the morning,” she sniffled.

He very, very tentatively leaned over, gently tugging her to lean into his side again. She didn't resist this time. “You remember Mulan?”

She peeked up at her, from her place half collapsed against his side. “...The kit's film?”

He nodded. “And how I told you--'

“--That you thought I was a guy, and you thought you might be gay,” she finished. “Why are you bringing this up?”

“Look, after you clued me in, I did some quick research on Spotted Hyenas--”

“Oh god.”

“And I just want to say--”

“I get it. You don't have to say it.”

He frowned. “I'm not--”

“Just get it over with!”

He growled, grabbing her by her dress and shaking her. “I am NOT breaking up with you.”

She stared at him uncomprehendingly. “What?”

He took a deep breath. “Look, you're obviously drunk. And you feel awful. But I'm not going to sit here and let you put words in my mouth, okay?”

He let go of her dress, and she huffed, brushing herself off. “But--”

“No buts. Look, don't you get I don't care what you look like?”

She bit her lip. “Fuck. Fuck, I had hoped it wouldn't come to this.”

“Come to--”

She leapt from the couch, and with one swift motion tore her dress off. “Look! This is what I look like, okay?” She wasn't tucked. Her psuedo-penis was on display in it's full 'glory'. “You ready to go yet? I'm not a 'real' woman, I know you're not really interested.”

He gaped at her.

Then he slapped her.

She reeled, more from the surprise then anything.

“I like you for YOU, dumbass. Before you interrupted me, I was TRYING to tell you I like the way you are on the inside, not the outside. Hell, I'd probably still date you even if you WERE a guy even though I'm not gay-”

“You hit me.”

“I- Yes, I hit you. You were hysterical.”

“You know what that means.”

“I do? Wait, you don't mean- I don't have my armor,” he objected as he suddenly realized what she meant.

She gave a grin that was only slightly unhinged. “Don't worry. I'll go easy on you.”

She pounced. He yelped.

She did not go easy on him.

( * * * )

He panted, pinned underneath her. “Are… Are we done?”

She panted too, getting off of him and offering him a paw up. “Yes, I think we're done.”

“Oh thank god. I have to say, I've never actually, literally had a naked wrestling session before…”

“Well, you made me tear off MY clothes, so it only seemed fair.”

“YOU did that.”

“You asking for round two?”

“No!”

He threw himself onto the couch. “C'mere.”

She joined him. She had to admit, she felt a lot better after a scrap. “Yeah?”

He huffed, pulling her against his chest. “You're crazy.”

She stared up at him. But, hadn't he been telling to tell her… “But you--”

She felt his arms tighten. “No,” he stressed. “You're crazy… And I'm crazy for loving you.”

She stiffened. “You--”

He gave a strained laugh. “Yeah, apparently! I don't think I'd have done all of this if I didn't, looking back.”

She considered that. Then she punched him in the shoulder.

“Ow! Hey, no round two, no round two!”

She threw herself into his arm. “Not that, you idiot. THAT was for making me cry.”

“Making you-- Oh.”

“Shut up and hold me.”

He did.

He didn't really make it back home that night. He didn't mind.

Neither did she.


End file.
